Controlling Anxiety

by Nicole | 05,24 | Blog

How I Control My Anxiety

Many people who have suffered trauma such as abuse, rape, and child loss will experience anxiety.

The emotional trauma brought on by these terrible experiences can impair ones ability to successfully handle emotions, how you feel about yourself and how you relate to others.

Most people think they need to suck it up and stop “overreacting” but for those of us who suffer we know it is not that simple.

I want to share 3 unexpected ways to control your anxiety, but first I want to tell you how anxiety used to control me and how I began to overcome it. 

Anxiety has always been a real struggle for me.

I can remember as a young child almost always being anxious. This may be in part my personality or childhood wounds, But what really put me over the edge was my anxiety after my rape in college.

I immediately ran to drugs and alcohol to escape my emotional pain after being raped by a group of fraternity brothers, which almost immediately put me into a drug induced psychosis.

I had to be removed and even pulled out of school during my sophomore year because my anxiety had taken over and I had become suicidal because of it. I also had to be put on multiple medications.

My anxiety never truly went away, even with being on medication and seeing a therapist on a weekly basis, until I fully faced and healed emotionally from my past.

I guess it’s because I was constantly being triggered. Whether it was from my rape, or losing my son, or even being abused in my first marriage.

Being a raging alcoholic, as well as having to move every eighteen months with the military (I’m a military spouse) and starting over didn’t help much either.

Sometime my anxiety would take over when I was doing very simple, everyday things like going into the children’s elementary school to check them out for the day, or meeting fellow military spouses for coffee, or even walking into church.

Driving used to be the absolute worst. It’s crazy to think about it because those silly things which are so simple to most people would cause me severe anxiety.

I remember my chest would get super tight. My heart would start to race. I couldn’t catch my breath any longer. It felt like my heart was going to explode out of my chest. Sometimes I would just start sweating and shaking. It was scary. And the sad thing was I couldn’t stop it. 

Anxiety made it difficult for me to even get out of bed in the morning.

It affected my marriage, my other relationships, and it even made it difficult to be a good mother at times.

It controlled my life. In the past how I dealt with my anxiety was to just cancel my plans, or ask my husband to do it, or  just excuse myself to the bathroom so no one would witness my panic.

But, other times when I couldn’t escape and I had to take care of life, it would bring me to my knees and cause me to burst out in tears.

My anxiety was controlling every move I made.

But, I will never forget the moment I stopped allowing my anxiety to take over my life.

Remember that fall I had? The one where my husband found me at the bottom of two flights of stairs on Infant Loss and Miscarriage Awareness Day and he thought I was dead?

Well, that was the day that my life forever changed and I was forced to look at myself in the mirror and to get the help I needed to work on my past and all of the heartache I had endured that was causing me enormous pain and anxiety.

You can read more on that story here. 

I  also stopped drinking which had a huge effect on my anxiety. Almost immediately after I stopped self soothing with alcohol and stayed sober,  I began grieving the loss of my son who had passed years before and my anxious heart started dissipating,

I had to stop running from my emotional pain. I had to face it and allow my feelings to be felt. Once I began to reveal my pain, l let myself feeI it and cope with it, and then almost immediately I began to truly heal.

After my fall and choosing to feel my emotions instead of numbing them, I became a new woman.

Rather than being scared and anxious. I was now an anxiety-free, strong, brave, and passionate woman. Best of all I was also now a loving wife, mother and friend. 

All it took was to give myself grace and learn to face and walk along side of my pain instead of running from it.

Anxiety doesn’t just go away!

Your anxiety will not just go away overnight, because you literally have to retrain your brain by admitting it’s a problem, then be willing and ready to heal, and finally you have to stop hiding and ask for the help.

If this sounds like you, and you are ready to live an anxiety-free life, then I am ready to hold your hand and guide you into becoming a confident, healed, no longer anxious, beautiful, transformed woman that you want to be, and are capable of becoming!!!!

I have created a program to help you move beyond your emotional pain so you can be happy again. If you are ready to  take back your power and feel 100% worthy I can help you be the badass you know you can be. 

A lot has changed since my fall.

I rarely experience anxiety anymore because of Reiki Energy Healing. It was so effective I became a certified Reiki Master. You can book a Reiki session with me  here. 

As soon as I feel anxiety coming on. I immediately stop what I am doing, take three deep breaths, and repeat over and over, “You are enough. You can do this. You are stronger than this” and almost instantly my anxiety subsides. 

Other things I do is:

• Take a walk around the block
• Put on calming music
• Watch the sunset and ground myself
• Turn on a mindless TV show (even better if it makes you laugh)

All these seem to work perfectly for me each and every time.

3 unexpected ways regain control when you are feeling overwhelmed and anxious

1. Write it out
2. Do a mindless task 
3. Lean into your discomfort 

Write it out

Anxiety and overwhelm can both be decreased if you take the time to do a mind dump.  This can be done in a journal, the notes on your phone, or paper. There aren’t any rules just let it all out. Every thing that comes to mind. The reason you have anxiety is your body wants you to deal with your pain. Let it out!

Do a mindless task

Do a habitual task like dishes, shower, or fold laundry. When you do habitual tasks it enables your brain to relax and allows you to take the time to process your emotions.  Ask yourself what you need, and when the answer comes, know that you are worthy of receiving all of it. 

Lean in to your discomfort

The tendency is to avoid discomfort and let the pain chase you around. Practice allowing yourself to feel the discomfort. Sit with it and curiously ask yourself what you need to feel peaceful. Allow yourself to feel, so you can heal. 

You are not alone and I would be honored to support your healing journey. 

This is what Katrina one of my Healing Cocoon students had to say about working with me after her first week. “I got the first lesson done and it made me feel like I can heal”